feeling down

o Allah.
i understand that You would not burden me beyond that i can bear.
i knew that this is the punishment because of my wrongdoings.
every day is like a battle, fighting my inner self.
should i go on? should i give up?
i kept thinking that my soul can be taken back anytime.

o Allah.
the pain is worsen day after day.
it's too painful to see my family worrying over me,
just to make sure i have a better life.
am i such a burden?
to myself,
to my family,
to my friends,
to everyone.

o Allah.
..will i be able to complete my study?
..will i be able to be a role model for my younger siblings?
..will i be able to get a decent job?
..will i be able to have my world trip?
..will i be able to build a dream house for my parents?
..will i be able to repay my parents' kindness?
..will i be able to get married?

if today is the end of my life, let me be happy for the one last time.

"O Allah, please forgive all my sins and my parents' sins, and bless them and grant them with Your mercy as they had mercy on me when i was small"